November 30
My darlings!
I want to try and send you coherent, detailed news – as long as my stiff fingers will permit me. Our situation has improved in that we may be able to remain here where we are now, at least temporarily, and be spared from being driven out even further. The people who don’t have any such options are completely paranoid about being driven out further. May God grant us this wish because to be driven any further would surely spell a slow and painful death for us, from hunger, exhaustion and the cold. The images we see daily will remain burned in the minds of the survivors as long as they live. The genius of the poet and the writer most graced by God would hardly suffice to create even a faint image, one detached from this prevailing atmosphere of misery and hardship. People from the most respected social strata, folk who enjoy the finer things in life, they’re all reaching out like beggars, their limbs weakened and swollen by hunger and the cold. Don’t even get me started on the many countless, nameless ones who have already been doomed to this life of suffering, more and more of them getting left behind each day. You can only look on with dread as these nameless ones cower over their bundles, clinging tightly to their infants and small children. They spend their nights in dilapidated, windowless houses only to be thrust back out into the grim cold the next morning. Dante’s famous depiction of Hell is a poor imitation when compared to this cruel reality. Our room is better than the average here and we’ve set up a small sheet iron oven (200 rubles – 8,000 lei). As long as the room is heated it’s more or less bearable and Toncia is lucky not to have to use her every last breath to cook with the unfamiliar "Pripeczik". Fortunately Toncia was able to get permission to go back into town and buy some bedding while she was still at the train station in her hometown. We’ve managed to hold onto all the bedding and there’s plenty of it so at least we can keep warm during the night. Tata has two duvets to wrap himself in, so that he can rest his weary bones. It feels like the nights are endless. Once night falls, no one dares step out into the lane. Cotton wool is dipped in oil and lit; or, if you‘re lucky enough to snag some Nafta oil, maybe an old kitchen lamp is lit – of course with the glass and igniter missing –, you can whip up a few flames in the small sheet iron oven and make yourself a cup of tea in the evening before it’s time to have a lie down on your makeshift bed. It goes without saying that we can only heat the oven when Toncia needs to cook something, we can’t afford to heat it simply to keep warm. For now it’s fine, rough-and-ready so to speak, but I don’t know what will happen when the frosts of at least -40° really start to set in, as well as the blizzards that we’ve been hearing about from the locals. But we’re hoping that we’ll be back home by then! Toncia and Tata whinge and complain all day long, they don’t seem to be able to agree on anything. I can adapt more easily though. I look down, down on the unfortunate ones, who are already starving and have no roof over their heads and I thank God that my wife and child are neither going hungry nor have they fallen victim to the cold. But it’s children who are naturals at adapting; when she plays with other children she’s even able to laugh and sing. And this child is just completely unaware of the awful situation they are in. But she still looks in a very bad way, all of her little clothes are too big for her and don’t fit her properly. She’s bored out of her mind and she’s having a hard time.
6/12/1941
My darlings!
I wanted to tell you about a few things that happened in our life in more detail, since they would really shed some light on what it’s really like here and are more comprehensive than any simple description. I was prevented from writing to you back then and in the meantime I sent a short little letter to you and one to Carmi. I’m now giving up on telling you about what life is like here because so many important things have happened in the meantime that I really should update you on my feelings about those. In terms of money, so far we’ve gathered the following amounts: 50,000 mil + 2,800 sonins + 1,500 son + 10,000 son + 2,500 son. Altogether, that makes 50,000 mil and 16,800 sonins. One day I received a letter from the councillor in Moh.. Among other things, I found out that he would send me half of the food he had obtained to Mesimen, “as arranged”, and that I should give “one portion” of it to Mrs. Nagler, in other words to Meschulim’s relatives. He didn’t tell me how large this “portion” was supposed to be. Mrs. Nagler also informed us
that she had been tasked by her brother-in-law to come to us for money. Since you hadn’t directly instructed me to do so, I didn’t give her anything from the above amounts – and neither did she ask for them. With the last collective shipment she received 8,000 sonins which, naturally, I handed over to her without further ado. All the amounts were handed over according to the list of beneficiaries with no exceptions, so much so that there was nothing left over for us – except, of course, the amounts which had been intended for us. The man who came directly to me before he came to see you subsequently came to see us again to deliver a letter and informed us that he had 2 boxes for us which he would bring us in the next couple of days. More than a week has gone by since then and now he is nowhere to be found. I am absolutely terrified that we have lost these things. Toncia wants to report this to the authorities but for the time being, I’m able to stop her. We haven’t received your first package either, the one you mentioned in your last letter. We received 10,000 mil from Carmi, as well as a package. But this package is still in Mohi, we’ve not yet been able to collect it. Today we got your letter of December 2; it came as a real bombshell. We couldn’t even have dreamt up such a solution to the problem. I’m a firm believer in doing things legally and so will refrain from such an adventure. It would be most unlike me to take any part in it and it would raise a monumental stink on that same day in this tiny little town where almost everyone from our hometown has gathered. The letter was delivered to us personally and your man of confidence still hasn’t contacted us. I think that Tata could act on your recommendation without further ado. Thus, no attention would be drawn, either here or to the destination. But this isn’t finding favour with the whole family. In any case we’re still not agreed on the issue and are diligently discussing and deliberating over your recommendation. I want to reiterate that the letter was delivered to us here, not by your man of confidence but by the regular courier who sees to the communication between Moh. and this place. I have second-hand knowledge that this courier has been given one more note to pass onto me, and I know that he has lost this note. I don’t know who gave the courier the letter and who the note. The courier only told me that a certain Laufer had demanded 100 lei from him for the messenger who had delivered the letter to Moh. The messenger was carrying many letters and the payment was shared out proportionately among the recipients. Now I don’t know whether or not this messenger and your man are one and the same. As I’m sure you’re well aware, your message about Pop being on his best behaviour really came as glad tidings to us. Was Carmi at all forthcoming with information? Does she also have all the medication she needs? So, Agathosan and Karillen ? Carmi’s companion stayed behind in our home so that he could keep watch over it. He offered to stay behind and assured us that nothing would go missing from the house and so we left many precious crystals and a great many other
II.
things behind. Please urge him once again to really keep an eye on the things so that nothing goes missing. In the house’s courtyard we left 6,000 kg of unchopped wood and more than a fathom of chopped wood in the small room. Ask him what happened to the wood. If you believe that it is only a matter of weeks before we return home and that he really is living in our home and keeping an eye on the wood (and I’m really not convinced that he is because he already has a fine house of his own and I’m now realising that his offer to move into our home was a conscious deceit) then I would very much like the wood not to be sold. Otherwise it’ll have to be sold. I’ll leave it up to you to deal with his responses, as well as the information he provides, appropriately. We left approx. 150 kg of wheat flour, corn flour, etc. behind in the flour box on the steps leading to the attic as well as another, smaller box full of colonial goods. Ask him about the flour and the box. I really don’t think that the flour should be sold. I have faith that you’ll find the right way to broach the subject with him. We’ve just received a package from you containing gingerbread, cheese, medication, toothbrushes, etc. You wouldn’t believe how delighted we are with it all. Of course it’s not how valuable the things are that delights us so –Tata has valued them – but rather the love and care which went into putting the package together. The contents of the package correspond exactly to the inventory. It really is incredible that you’ve sent us so many things that we wanted to ask for, such as aspirin, toothbrushes (there were 9 toothbrushes in the backpack we lost), paper, envelopes, etc. We are deeply grateful to you and want to extend our thanks to Mum for the delicious gingerbread and the fact that she spared no effort to make it. Since we’re on the subject of packages, if our return home should be delayed for any reason, then I’m now compiling a wish list for the next package, and here it is:
1. Most of all we would like textbooks from the fourth year of primary school for Hertuca. If not all of them, then at least the reading, arithmetic and grammar books. It breaks my heart to see the poor child go downhill, mentally as well as physically, spiritually even. If we can get the books, I’ll heat the sheet iron oven for a few hours each day so that the child can get a chance to write; may Tata grumble as much as he wants about how much money we’re spending. If you want to bring real joy to the child’s life then you’d do well to enclose some books in Romanian too for children her age; reading was one of the things she most liked to do and she hasn’t read a single sentence since we left home.
2. A small bottle of fountain pen ink.
3. Two enamel 1 litre saucepans with lids, a 1 litre milk saucepan and 4 enamel or porcelain coffee pots
[on the left side] please inform Dr. Max Fränkel of St Cogalniceanu 12 that his niece Mella is here with us. You should collect most of your expenses from individual recipients, particularly from Morgenstern. I think the former would be preferable.
We didn’t bring a single piece of cookware with us and now our worldly possessions consist of one unglazed, rough clay pot that we bought here. You can’t get anything else here. Of course, we’re not expecting any of these items to be new. A collection of discarded cookware, put together by mum and our siblings would mean that the three [...] which would amount to that much crockery, which we’re so sorely lacking here. Please also send us a water boiler (of approximately 1 litre) made of enamel so that we can make tea.
4. A ladies’ comb and, if possible, a wire hairbrush (we lost everything when we were crossing over the Dniester and now all we have left is a small gentleman’s comb in pieces that we happened upon in a pocket).
5. A few packets of hairpins.
6. A bottle of Brilliantine or another kind of hair oil (Toncia and Herta have to use Nafta oil to style their hair but only when they can get their hands on some).
7. 2 boxes of brown shoe polish and one shoe brush to shine our shoes, as well as a brush to remove dirt from shoes (we lost all of this when we lost our bags).
8. A nailbrush for Toncia.
9. Two or three warm pairs of women’s trousers for Toncia.
10. Brown and grey darning wool.
11. 3 spare clasps for braces, preferably made from leather or, failing that, rubber.
12. 15-20 boxes of Nationale cigarettes, each packet costing 15 lei, Tata needs these for both himself and our hosts.
13. A really small bottle of writing ink and a few quills so that I can practise calligraphy with Herta.
14. Some medication, more specifically: a) a larger bottle of valerian drops which Toncia urgently requires, b) a larger dose of bone char, c) a little bottle of "Laktobyl" for Toncia, d) an effective sleeping pill.
15. A hot water bottle for Toncia’s and Herta’s feet that have become cold as ice.
16. Yellow and black shoelaces.
17. 2 packets of toilet paper (no, don’t laugh, and don’t think us too demanding but since we left our home we have run out of newspaper and as we’ve not yet picked up on local habits, it’s a vital matter for us). Toncia gave Carmi’s companion your leather bag, in which she put 12 new pairs of silk stockings, clothes, new shoepacs, etc. He promised her that he would deliver your bag to Carmi in that same week but I received word from the latter that she had received nothing, nothing at all. Please try to find out what happened to this bag. I urge you to make sure that the enclosed letters reach their destinations. The letter addressed to Morgenstern is full to the brim so collect half of the costs from the recipients. Please write to Dr. Kissel Suceava to tell him that his loved ones have thus far not received any news from him whatsoever; he could redirect his letters to Chernivtsi or Bucharest. There’s still so very, very much that I want to write to you but Mrs. Nagler has just come to tell me to stop right away because her brother-in-law is just about to go to Moh. and I can’t let this opportunity slip through my fingers. I’m refusing but Toncia is insisting and I must give in. So I’ll end here. I would really, really beg you to provide me with a small package of viable medication from Josef. I could earn at least half of what he paid out for me in lei back in sonins, then I wouldn’t just be living at the expense of my wife’s family.
We’ve almost run out of sonins, we’ve already spent 6 today. My love to you, mum and the rest of our family. Yours, [signature]
My dearest brother!
I have only one wish for the time being and that is that I get out of here, dead or alive. And I want to stress that there are people here who are much worse off than we are, we really are the most enviable among them. I am dying here, both mentally and spiritually, this place is so devoid of culture. I know that all of us here have reverted to the most primitive way of life and aren’t anywhere near as demanding as we used to be. I want to reiterate at this point that the Hutsul dwellings near Seletin, in terms of both interior and exterior decoration, were like palaces in comparison to these here. I’ve not had much luck in my life, in fact very little (incidentally, at least now I’ve had the distinct feeling that I do not now want to hark back so far as to see whether or not my childhood hopes and dreams have come true). But I never could have imagined plunging so deep into despair. But maybe you’ll think, and quite rightly so, that I’m not the only one here and neither am I the most important; however, a life like this is not worth living and I’d be only too glad to throw in the towel if only the poor children’s lives were not at stake. But that’s precisely why you shouldn’t worry yourself, it’s only for their sake that I’m not giving up – for the time being anyway. Keeping the books with Tata is no walk in the park either. In fact, I’ve often inwardly apologised to Mum even though I believe that on the other hand (and perhaps I’m doing her a disservice here) it’s because of her that we parted ways and are now here. Your plan would fill me with enthusiasm if I didn’t have the child to look after. However, if there’s no other way then I would agree to it; at the end of the day our lives are at stake and since we’re going to lose them sooner or later, or at least that’s what I’m inclined to believe (the others will make sure of that), then we may as well take the plunge one way or another – the stakes are no longer so high! I don’t want you to send anything else, just help me get out of here. Do you think it’s right that the situation in and near our home town, Kodiecere, has worsened? Instead of aspiring to trade, that at least all of you [...] for a visit. I believe that our national plague can last another couple of years at least. We want to and can live to see a better day. Your youngest sister is supposed to learn from my disease and call on the doctors in good time so that she can receive treatment that will cure the cancer in its early stages. The fact that I’ve become so dependent on this stuff and the Weck jars has cost me most of my energy, my joie de vivre and the last of my nerves. Save Carmi too – before it’s too late. Give me a detailed account of what Carmi has received from P., her admirer.
I would like to hear that you have taken great care to sell the presents you made to me, that your eldest niece is provided for and well settled in Erez. Aside from the 250,000 mill, I still have 65 tools at Tautu’s house. I left a good deal of my things behind in the house for him and I could have arranged them marvellously but they’ve probably all now either been lost or he’s taken advantage of them. Please confront him with the fact that he gave me his word that he would be a father to Carmi and would also help me, but now he’s trying to go back on his part of the bargain. From here I can’t really advise you on the sort of tone you should take with him, all I can say is that you should advise and press him by reminding him of the friends you have in high places – friends he fears –, threaten him if you have to. For the rest, you know best how to handle it. But don’t give him any penny, even if he should drop dead!!! Ask him what’s happened in the house and with the things that were left there, etc. Keep me updated in case God sees fit that our paths should not cross again soon. He absolutely must return your bag to you, the one with the zip that you gave as a present to Carmi; it contains things (that David has already specified) such as silk stockings, which would certainly fetch 1,000 lei a pair today. I procured these dozen pairs of silk stockings for Carmi and didn’t indulge in wearing a pair myself so that the child will have them when the war is over, since she may not be able to get her hands on any and by then she’ll be all grown up. As you can see, your sister wasn’t just a little but in fact very foolish, in every sense of the word, so that you’d hardly believe that she should have such a clever half-sister as Else. In a nutshell, that was one thing no one had reckoned with! My entire summer wardrobe is at P.’s house, as well as some suits, some coats, many many clothes, both washed and unwashed, a bag full of cosmetics (worth at least 15,000 lei), my gas cooker, the big Persian rug, countless pairs of shoes, 4 or 5 pairs of ice skates, leather shopping bags, a proportion of our crystals; all of the silverware was there too but I don’t know whether or not C. has come by any of it? I don’t know how many things I must have left behind in the laundry basket. T. has assured me that not a single item will go missing. I put aside a new light grey spring jacket from Herta in the nick of time, as well as a lovely pink coat and some other pieces in the cases. She’s always crying over her things, the best ones were stolen in Mogilow; ask him to put a smile on the child’s face by bringing her things to you, he doesn’t [...] them. We were robbed of our cardigans, so please request all of the wool, darning wool and silk that Pf. P. has at hand and put it aside for us until we return; otherwise, you’ll have to send it to us so that we can knit ourselves something to wear against the cold. At Vasiliu’s house – Carmuntze knows the family – I have a stock of 11 rugs, crockery for Easter, miscellaneous crockery, scales, a kitchen clock, a sturdy Weck jar, etc. If the child should need money to get away, I’m prepared to sell all of these; when it comes down to it, material things are of no consequence to me, whereas they could be more useful for you. There are a lot of things at Dorofteis’s house that Carmi carried over in July and Ab. made quite a large contribution. If you also have a need for these things, then collect them for the same purpose. Tata deposited Seger porcelain and […] at St. Ferar’s house from D.; if you can, move it inside. By the same token, you should pressure the driver a bit; he had no time to give the things to Messer, I have no doubt that they are at his house. We still haven’t received the box from your husband. I think he may be a little sorry to part with it. I have to go now even though it’s a comfort to me to chitchat with you. It’s very cold and uncomfortable in our, err, let’s call it a room.
Lots of love to everyone and especially to mum, Toncia
